


Forever & Ever

by msmorie



Category: Jrock, X JAPAN
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 04:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14157219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msmorie/pseuds/msmorie
Summary: Heath has a new girlfriend but not everybody approves.





	Forever & Ever

 

“Are you ready?”

“Yes. I need this. We need this.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“My palms are all sweaty—”

 

Heath grabbed him firmly by the shoulders. “Sugizo. Please. I’m begging you. Just buy the goddamn tickets.”

Sugizo squeezed his eyes shut for dramatic effect and hit the ‘confirm’ button. Heath cheered and high-fived him. “We’re going to see Nine Inch Nails!”

“Fuck. Yes.”

“Do you think we should have invited the others?” Heath asked. “I feel a bit bad about excluding them.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same with other people,” said Sugizo. “I feel like we have the most fun when it’s just us bros.”

“Oh I agree, but I still feel kinda bad.”

“That’s because you’re too kind-hearted.” Sugizo threw an arm over his best friend’s shoulders. “What would you do without little old me stopping people from walking all over you?”

“Just because I’m nice doesn’t mean I’m a doormat,” Heath protested.

“Well no,” Sugizo said. “But I think it’s hilarious that the others still treat you like you’re their their baby brother, even though I’m younger than you are. Especially Toshi.”

“I like it though,” Heath admitted, and giggled when Sugizo patted his head the way Toshi often did. “C’mon, speaking of them, we’d better get going. You know how Yoshiki gets if anyone’s late.”

Sugizo put his hands on his hips. “How come we all have to be on time but he’s allowed to keep people waiting?”

“Princess Yoshiki operates on a different set of rules to the rest of us.”

“You still call him that?”

Heath grinned. “Not to his face!”

 

* * *

 

After practise was over for the day, Toshi suggested that they all go to an izakaya to unwind.

Pata agreed. “I like the sound of that more than one of Yoshiki’s fancy restaurants. Isn’t there one that Sugizo always goes to?”

“Do you guys mind if I bring someone?” Heath asked.

“Eh? Who? Got a girlfriend?” Toshi looked interested.

Heath looked a little shy. “Yes, actually.”

“Really? How long have you been seeing her?” Sugizo asked.

“About a month.”

“About a month,” Sugizo repeated. “About a month and you never told me? Heath, I have to say, I’m hurt.”

Heath shrugged. “I didn’t think there was much to tell until now. But she’s nice and I think you’d get along. You actually have a bit in common with each other.”

“We’ll see,” Sugizo said, still looking put out.

“Jealous?” Pata teased.

Sugizo sniffed. “Don’t be dumb.”

“You _are_ jealous!” Yoshiki said, grinning.

“No, seriously though,” Toshi said. “Heath is like your spouse so it’s normal to feel a bit jealous.”

Heath blinked. “I’m his what, now?”

“You’re each other’s work spouse,” Toshi said. “You know, that one person at work that’s kind of more than just your best friend?”

“You mean like you and Yoshiki?” Pata asked gleefully.

“Exactly!”

“I am _nobody’s_ wife,” Yoshiki said haughtily.

Toshi looked at Pata. “I wasn’t going to say ‘wife’ but sure!” They both burst into laughter.

“Fuck you guys!” Yoshiki complained and flounced off to bang on his piano.

 

* * *

 

“It’s an absolute honour to meet you all,” the petite woman greeted them warmly, shaking each of their hands in turn and bowing politely. When she turned to Sugizo, she smiled and said, “It’s especially good to finally meet you. Heath talks about you all the time; I feel like I know you already.”

“He’s my partner in crime,” Heath said, grinning.

Sugizo smiled and bowed back.

 

After the drinks had arrived, Yoshiki said, “So, tell us about yourself.”

“I'm not that interesting, honestly. I’m not exactly a world-famous rock star.” Megumi said. “I’m a primary school teacher.”

“What do you teach?” Toshi asked.

“Music.” She sipped at her drink. “I used to play violin but I had an accident when I was thirteen that ended that. I loved music too much to just give it up, so I studied to become a music teacher instead.”

“Another violinist!” Toshi jabbed Sugizo in the ribs. “Sugizo had an accident as a child too, but luckily he was able to recover from that.”

“It was a lot of hard work,” Sugizo reminded him.

“I know,” Megumi said, smiling a little bashfully at Sugizo. “I don’t really listen to rock music—I prefer classical and jazz—but I really admire your violin style. It’s very spiritual.”

“Cliché question but how did you two meet?” Yoshiki asked.

“Remember when I hung out with my old buddies from Paranoia?” Heath said.

Megumi added, “Nov and I were friends in university and he asked me if I’d like to join them. That’s when Heath and I met.”

 

As the evening wore on, Sugizo couldn’t help but feel disengaged even though everybody else seemed to be getting along amicably, so he was relieved when Megumi finally made her apologies for the evening.

“I have an early class tomorrow morning,” she said. “It’s been wonderful getting to know all of you, it really has. I’d love to see you all again soon.”

“Let me get that for y—” Heath started to say but she put a firm hand on his.

“You’re the perfect gentleman but I’m more than capable of paying for myself.” She put a few notes on the table, gave Heath a peck on the cheek and left.

 

They all sat in silence until they were sure that she was gone, and then Yoshiki turned to Heath. “She’s nice. Well done.”

Toshi nodded. “She’s pretty, independent, musical… she doesn’t share Heath’s love of horror movies and rock music but nobody’s perfect.”

“I agree. She’s not bad at all.” Pata said.

“I didn’t think you liked anybody except your cats,” Sugizo said.

The older guitarist looked surprised. “Why? Don’t you like her?”

Sugizo shrugged. “She’s okay.”

Pata snickered. “Who would you choose for Heath, then? Yourself, I suppose?”

“Sounds like somebody’s _jealous_ ,” Yoshiki added, smirking.

“Would you stop that?” Sugizo said, irritated. “I don’t not like her. She’s fine.”

 

* * *

 

“I don’t like her.”

 

J laughed so hard that hot coffee almost shot out of his nose. “You only just met her last night! How can you have such a strong negative reaction to someone already?”

“She just… rubs me the wrong way. She seems a bit fake if you ask me.” Sugizo narrowed his eyes. “She kept going on about how she loved meeting us all, and how she loves the way I play violin and how it’s _sooo_ spiritual.”

The big bassist looked perplexed. “But... it _is_ spiritual.”

“I know that!”

“Sugizo, I don’t understand what you’re complaining about.”

“Everyone keeps saying how I should be getting along with her just because she used to play the violin and her favourite composer is Bach,” Sugizo scoffed as though J hadn’t spoken. “Who cares? Lots of people play the violin. Lots of people like Bach.”

“Dude, why are you so worked up about this?”

“I’m not, I’m just saying.”

“You're practically foaming at the mouth!” J said. “Are you jealous or something?”

Sugizo let out a big, exasperated sigh. “I wish everyone would stop saying that.”

“Is everyone saying that? Must be true, then.” J put down his empty coffee cup and started ticking off on his fingers. “From what I gather, she’s not a crazy fangirl, she’s not stupid, and she’s musical. What’s not to like?”

“Why do you care if I like her or not?”

“ _I_  don’t give a shit but I’m sure it would mean a lot to Heath if his best friend could get along with his girlfriend,” J said pointedly. “I’m not saying you have to like everybody you meet. I just can’t see why you seem to dislike this one in particular when she seems perfectly inoffensive.”

“I hate it when you get all reasonable,” Sugizo muttered.

J folded his hands in his lap and looked across the table at his friend thoughtfully. “I have a theory.”

“If I begged you, would you share it with me?” Sugizo said sarcastically.

“I think you feel threatened by Megumi.”

Sugizo’s reaction to this was instant. “That is the _stupidest_ thing I have ever heard.”

“Oh, I think I’m onto something here,” J said with the most annoying smile. “You’re afraid that this Megumi is taking your precious Heath away from you. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that you were in love with him.”

Sugizo snorted and folded his arms across his chest defensively. “You’re talking crap, Onose. I’m just looking out for him.”

“Or looking out for yourself? Sugizo, she sounds like she’s the most normal person anyone could hope for,” J said. “It’s not like _you_ have an awesome track record. Remember whats-her-face? The hot one with the terrible tramp stamp?”

“Kanae.”

“She was only hooking up with you to get close to Yoshiki.” J grinned. “Oh and Yuka!”

“Yuka,” Sugizo echoed. “God, she was such a control freak. Don’t do this, don’t wear that.”

“Wasn’t there one who didn’t want you hanging out with Heath?”

“Oh yeah. That was great, actually.” Sugizo grinned despite his annoyance. “She couldn’t deal with a guy being prettier than she was.”

J laughed. “See what I mean? You should be happy for him that he’s found someone who isn’t fucking insane. It’s not like he’s going to dump you for her.”

Sugizo just grumbled into his cappuccino.

 

* * *

 

Out of curiosity, J eagerly demanded that Heath introduce Megumi to the rest of Luna Sea and much to Sugizo’s irritation, J, Inoran and Shinya warmed to her as well. Only Ryuichi didn’t have a strong opinion either way. With nobody on his ‘side’ Sugizo became increasingly moody, so some weeks later when Heath and Sugizo were having a much-needed boys’ night out together, Heath noticed that his friend was being unusually quiet.

 

“Hey,” he said gently. “What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up,” Sugizo said, pretending to look nonchalant.

“Come on, I can tell that something’s bugging you.”

“I’m just tired, that’s all.”

Absentmindedly, Sugizo picked up a piece of takoyaki and was about to pop it in his mouth whole when Heath quickly put a hand on his arm. “Hot!”

 

Sugizo stopped with the piping hot takoyaki barely a centimetre from his mouth.

 

“Something _is_ bothering you,” said Heath. “It’s me and Megumi, isn’t it? You’ve been kind of…” Heath paused to find a word that didn’t sound rude, “...kind of off ever since you met her.”

“I do like her,” Sugizo said, struggling with this lie. “I just… I don’t love her.”

“What do you mean? Come on, you can talk to me about anything.”

Sugizo gently blew on the takoyaki to cool it and after a while he said, “How serious are you?”

“Serious…?”

“You know. Are you in love with her?”

“Oh.” Heath thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. I guess it’s too early to tell. I mean, she’s a lovely person, but I don’t know that I’m in love with her yet.”

“Have you…?”

Heath grinned as he drank his beer. “No. We haven’t even properly kissed yet. Not that that’s any of your business, you nosey pervert.”

Sugizo chuckled at this. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but for some reason he felt relieved to hear that the relationship hadn’t gotten too serious yet. Nothing to worry about.

 

Except that there was something to worry about the next month when Sugizo was scrolling through the calendar on his phone.

“Less than a month to go until NIN!” he announced.

“Really?”

Sugizo gave Heath a withering look. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten. It’s on the 19th, dummy.”

“I thought it was the 29th.”

“Nope, the 19th.”

“Ahh. Shit.” Heath ran a hand through his long hair uneasily.

Sugizo felt his heart sinking. “What is it.”

Heath looked guilty. “Megumi asked me to come with her to her sister’s engagement party on the 19th. I’ve already said I’ll go.”

“So? Just tell her you double booked and you have concert tickets that _we bought ages ago_ ,” Sugizo said, emphasising the last few words.

Heath hesitated. “What if you gave my ticket to someone else? Like Ruki or Tezya?”

“Ruki and Tezya already have their tickets,” Sugizo said sourly. “Heath, don’t tell me you’re actually going to skip NIN for some random engagement party.”

Heath was quiet but looked pensive.

“ _Heath_.”

“Well…”

Sugizo looked at him incredulously. “Are you fucking serious? We always go to concerts together. That’s our thing! You’ve been waiting for this for ages and now you—” Sugizo stopped and shook his head and headed for the door.

“Sugizo—”

“If anyone needs me, I’ll be at home.” He slammed the door behind him.

 

Yoshiki leaned over his piano and looked at Heath. “I think you fucked up there, kiddo.”

 

* * *

 

“You called me in such a rush, what’s wrong?” Megumi slid into the café booth looking slightly alarmed.

“Listen,” Heath said awkwardly. “About your sister’s engagement. I’m really sorry but I can’t go. I’d already made plans with Sugizo to go to a concert that I thought was on a different date.”

Megumi let out a small sigh of relief. “Oh. I thought it was an emergency or something.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Well, I’m a little bit annoyed,” she admitted. “It would have been nice. But if you’ve already made plans with Sugizo beforehand, who am I to get in the way?”

“You’re my girlfriend, Megumi,” Heath reminded her.

“I suppose I am,” she agreed. “But I don’t feel like I am.”

“What are you talking about?”

The conversation stalled when a waitress arrived to take their orders. Heath ordered a black coffee for himself and a latté for Megumi.

 

Megumi fiddled with a packet of sugar until the waitress went away.

 

“Heath,” she said, her voice wavering slightly. “Do you love Sugizo?”

“Of course. He’s my boyfr—” Heath did a double-take and laughed at himself. “I mean _best_ friend.”

Megumi smiled wryly. “That’s not what I meant. Are you in love with him?”

“In love with him? That’s crazy—”

“Is it? You and I have been going out for a few months and not a lot has happened,” she said. “At first I thought it was the usual ‘taking it slow’ avenue. But you’re always talking about Sugizo. You just seem to light up when it comes to him.”

 

Heath felt like someone had pulled the chair out from underneath him. He barely noticed when the waitress returned with their order. Megumi gently pushed the black coffee across the table to him and held her own coffee cup in both hands, relishing the warmth, gazing out the window.

 

“It was starting to get on my nerves for a while there, until I put two and two together. Then I just felt sad.” Megumi smiled a little bitterly. “When we went out for drinks with the boys, sometimes _I_ felt like the third wheel. Honestly, I’m envious that Sugizo seems to make you happy in a way that I can’t.”

“Megumi,” Heath said, and then stopped. He had nothing to say.

“I’m very fond of you, Heath, but I know you don’t feel the same way about me.” Her hands shook slightly as she set her coffee cup back onto the table. “I think you need to have a long talk with Sugizo.”

Heath tried again. “Megumi…”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Avoiding his gaze, she reached for her purse and Heath put a hand over hers.

“Let me,” he said quietly.

This time she nodded and smiled sadly. “The perfect gentleman.”

 

* * *

 

“You were wrong, J!”

“ _Jeeesus_. You don’t need to scream at me.” On the other end of the phone, J was cringing.

“What’s not to like, you said. He won’t dump his friends, you said.” Sugizo held his phone in one hand and with his other hand he restlessly picked at a loose thread on an old sofa cushion.

“So I was wrong. I’m not psychic. Geez.” J sighed. “Still, I kind of expected better from Heath.”

“You and me both!”

“I don’t feel like she’s the type who would demand that her boyfriend goes to parties with her and not hang out with his friends, though.”

“Maybe you don’t know her type as well as you think,” Sugizo said rudely. “The other week he said they weren’t all that serious. Now he’s ditching me for her. What the fuck is that shit?”

“Maybe she’s a freak in bed?” J tried a lame joke in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Fuck off. I don’t even want to _think_ about that.” Sugizo rubbed his temples and then he heard a knock at the door. “Gotta go, pizza guy’s here. I’ll call you later.”

“Oh my god, please don’t,” J groaned. “I don’t know if I can stand any more of your bitching and moaning.”

“Don’t you ditch me as well, Onose!” Sugizo shouted and hung up. Frustrated, he flung the tattered cushion onto the floor, stomped across the room and threw open the door.

 

“Hey.”

 

Sugizo blinked. “What are you doing here?”

Heath looked embarrassed. “Um. Can I come in?”

For a split second Sugizo considered shutting the door in his face, but he swallowed his pettiness and stepped back to let him in. “Shouldn’t you be on a date or something?”

Heath followed Sugizo into the lounge room and sank into the sofa, and then there was another knock at the door.

“Oh, were you expecting someone?” Heath asked.

“I’m expecting a pizza,” Sugizo said, going back to the door. He quickly paid the delivery man and retreated back to the lounge room with the pizza box in his arms.

“God, that smells amazing. Do you mind if I…?” Heath motioned at the pizza.

“Go for it.”

The bassist carefully lifted out a slice and took a big bite. “Megumi and I broke up.”

Sugizo’s pizza slice stopped halfway to his mouth. “What?”

Heath nodded.

“I thought things were going so well between you two.”

“I told her that I’d already made plans with you so I couldn’t go to her sister’s engagement party. She took that well enough but then we ended up having one of _those_ talks and, well…” Heath went for a second slice.

“But…” Sugizo was baffled. “She seemed so perfect for you.”

“You’d think so but we realised that it’s been a few months and the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. So that was it.”

“I’m sorry,” Sugizo said. He was quiet for a moment. “Hey, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for being such a jerk lately. I— I don’t know what came over me.” _Jealousy_.

Heath shook his head. “Sugizo, _I’m_ sorry. I was this close to cancelling our plans, remember?” Heath laughed a little awkwardly. “Want to hear something funny? While we were talking, I nearly called you my boyfriend.”

Sugizo snorted, amused. “Did you really? That was dumb.”

“Yeah. Pretty dumb,” mumbled Heath, looking embarrassed again. He helped himself to another slice of pizza and quickly changed the subject. “Fuck, this pizza is good.”

“It must be, with the way you’re inhaling it,” Sugizo said with raised eyebrows.

Heath smiled apologetically. “Sorry. Want me to get you another one?”

“I wasn’t that hungry. I just wanted some comfort food.” Sugizo watched as Heath went to the kitchen sink to wash his greasy hands. “You eat all this pizza and you never get fat. Where does it all go?”

Heath looked over his shoulder. “Are you checking me out?”

“I might be,” Sugizo said lightly. _Yes. You're beautiful._

Heath grinned and sat back down, crossing his long legs. “Want to put a movie on? Alien or Exorcist?”

“Alien!” Sugizo said. “I like sci-fi, you like horror. It’s perfect.”

 

As the the chestburster ripped its way out of Kane’s chest to the screams of the Nostromo’s crew, Sugizo draped an arm over Heath’s shoulders and said, “Hey. I know I’m an asshole and all, but I really, genuinely hope you and Megumi didn’t break up on account of me.”

Heath hesitated. “Actually, the real reason was because I… um… might have fallen in love with someone else.” He sounded nervous.

“Just as long as I approve of them,” Sugizo joked. “So are you still coming to NIN with me?”

“Absolutely.” Heath held up his hand. “Pinky swear.”

“Pinky swear.” Sugizo chuckled and hooked his pinky to Heath’s. “I haven’t done that since I was a little kid.”

“Me neither,” Heath said and leaned his head on Sugizo’s shoulder. It felt oddly comfortable, and without thinking, Sugizo kissed the top of his head.

 

Both of them froze.

 

After a long and awkward silence, it was Heath who spoke first.

“Did you just…?”

 

There was another long silence and then Sugizo said, “Shit. Sorry. That was weird, wasn’t it? I didn’t mean—”

“No,” Heath said quietly, raising his head a little. “I liked it. It felt nice.”

“What?” Sugizo wasn’t sure that he’d heard right. Why was his heart pounding so loudly?

“Sugizo,” Heath felt his face growing uncomfortably warm and he felt like he was having trouble breathing. “Your lips are getting really close to mine.”

“Yeah.” Sugizo found himself leaning down a little further.

Heath tilted his head up and their lips touched in a very soft kiss.

 

Abruptly, Sugizo pulled away and stood up, stammering, “I’m sorry, I… need to…” Lost for words, he quickly retreated to the bedroom and shut the door where he stood for several seconds before going to the bathroom and splashing his face with cold water. 

With his hands braced against the edge, he stared into the bathroom sink. His mind was racing and so was his heart. What the hell had he just done? He’d just kissed his best friend, who had not only broken up with someone just hours ago, but had also confessed to being in love with someone else already. What was he thinking?

He hadn’t been thinking, of course. 

He grabbed a towel to dry off and took a deep breath, preparing to have a very uncomfortable conversation with Heath.

 

Sugizo found Heath still sitting on the sofa. He had his arms folded across his knees, shoulders hunched, head down.

“Heath, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. It was wrong and confusing and… and I know that you’re in love with someone…” Sugizo stopped talking when he saw that Heath’s shoulders had started to tremble.

 

After a few moments of frosty silence, Heath raised his head and from the way he was biting his lip, Sugizo could tell that he was on the verge of tears.

 

“It’s you, you idiot.”

 

Sugizo was puzzled. “What’s me?”

“The person I’m in love with. It’s you.” Heath looked at him almost angrily before putting his head down again.

Sugizo felt like all the air had been knocked out of him. Once again, his heart was thundering wildly in his chest and he wasn’t sure that he had heard right. He felt like he was going crazy and that nothing was making sense.

 

With his head resting in the crook of his arm, Heath was only dimly aware of Sugizo sitting down next to him on the sofa, just close enough for their knees to be touching.

“Heath?”

No answer.

Sugizo put a hand on his shoulder. “Heath.”

Heath shrugged it off and turned away, so Sugizo leaned over and said, “Heath. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What do you think I was fucking trying to tell you before?” Heath’s voice sounded strained.

Sugizo groaned inwardly. “Oh god. Oh my god. Heath, I’m so sorry. I _am_ an idiot.” Another hand to the shoulder was shrugged off again. Fed up, Sugizo pulled him into a tight hug, fighting Heath’s half-hearted struggles.

“Heath. Stop it. Listen to me. Listen.” Sugizo’s throat felt dry as he said this, “I think… I think I’m in love with you, too.”

 

Hearing this, Heath stopped struggling and Sugizo half-expected him to laugh. He did not expect Heath’s shoulders to crumple, his whole body collapsing into sobs, occasionally drawing in a long, shaky breath, his tears making a dark patch on Sugizo’s shirt. It wrenched Sugizo’s heart to see him like this. The only thing he could think to do was keep holding him, holding him and murmuring his name over and over again, rubbing his back soothingly, fighting back tears of his own, feeling his heart ache, desperately wanting to make this go away but not knowing how, _Heath, no, Heath, please, Heath, I love you_.

 

Sugizo held him like that for a long time, everything outside this tiny world of two forgotten. Eventually, one after the other, they fell asleep, an exhausted Heath still in Sugizo’s arms.

 

A little while later Sugizo was woken up when Heath sat up and rubbed his tired eyes.

“Heath,” he said softly. “Are you okay?”

Heath sighed heavily, nodded and stood up, slowly heading for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“By yourself? Don’t. You should stay tonight.”

“Why?”

Sugizo got up and gave those weary shoulders a firm squeeze. “Because you’re tired and you’re upset, and I’ll worry about you. I can drive you home, but I’d feel a lot better if you stayed here so I can look after you. I don’t want you to be alone.”

Heath said nothing but he let Sugizo walk him to the bedroom.

 

Sugizo sat him down on the end of the bed and placed a fresh towel and some clothes in his lap. “Come on. You’ll feel a lot better after a shower and some proper sleep. You can have the bed all to yourself. It’s big and really comfy.”

Heath nodded numbly, his gaze fixed on the floor, and he dragged himself to the bathroom and closed the door.

 

Sugizo heard the sound of the shower running and heaved a big sigh of relief. If Heath was functioning well enough to shower, that meant that he was going to be okay. They’d work this out. They’d known each other for nearly twenty years - there was nothing they couldn’t talk about. Feeling a little better himself, he went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water for Heath and, after a second’s thought, filled up a jug as well.

 

He returned to the bedroom and placed these carefully on the bedside table just as the bathroom door opened. Heath came out looking a little less sad, a little less tired, a little less ragged.

“You look sort of cute in my clothes,” Sugizo teased. Heath was wearing an old Mötley Crüe t-shirt and shorts, and the top was a little loose on his lanky frame. It was a bit like a kid wearing his big brother’s clothes.

This time Heath was able to look at Sugizo and he managed a weak smile. He crawled onto the bed and Sugizo carefully pulled the covers over him. He very much wanted to give Heath a reassuring kiss to show him how much he cared, but was afraid of confusing Heath even more. He ended up awkwardly patting Heath’s head instead, feeling stupid.

 

While Sugizo was in the shower, Heath drained the glass of water, trying to process what had happened tonight. This headache didn’t help. He was vaguely sure that Sugizo had said he shared the same feelings for him but it was all a blur and right now Sugizo was just acting like a caring friend.

He refilled the glass, gulping down the cool water, and then snuggled back into the sheets.

 

The first thing that Sugizo noticed when he got back was the empty glass and he smiled. Heath was definitely okay. He crossed the room and refilled the glass from the jug.

“You still awake?” Sugizo asked very softly.

Heath nodded and Sugizo sat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it soothingly.

“I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. Sleep well, okay? I’ll be on the sofa if you need anything. Anything at all. Wake me up if you need to, I don’t care. I’ll look after you.” He wanted to say something else but the words stuck in his throat, so he got up to leave the room.

 

When he reached the door, he heard Heath say something in a small voice and turned back. “What was that?”

Heath raised his head out of the covers a little. “Can you stay with me?”

“Wh— are you sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

 

Heath heard nothing for a while and then there was the sound of Sugizo leaving the room. His heart sank a little until he heard the television and lights being turned off, and soon enough Sugizo was getting into the bed with him.

 

They lay there in the dark with their backs to each other. Sugizo just stared into space, unable to sleep. He thought Heath must have fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion by now, but then he felt him moving around and reaching for the glass of water.

“Heath,” Sugizo said quietly. “When did you… know?”

There was a long sigh from Heath’s side of the bed. “Remember when Toshi was talking about work spouses?”

“Yes…”

“That kind of put the idea in my head but I didn’t really think about it until later. Today, actually.”

“Today?”

“When you got mad at me earlier, it hurt. It really hurt. Yoshiki told me I fucked up and I _knew_ I fucked up. That’s when I started to… Then I was talking to Megumi and she said that every time I talk about you, I look really happy. She asked if I’m in love with you.” Another shaky breath. “You know when you’re in an elevator and it drops really fast? That’s what it felt like. So… afterwards I went for a really long walk.” Heath laughed weakly. “Anyway, I ended up at my best friend’s place, hijacked his pizza and told him I’ve fallen in love with him. Stupid, huh?”

 

There was a long silence.

 

“How serious are you?” Sugizo asked him quietly.

Heath turned toward him slightly. “Very.” His voice was very soft, but steady.

“Did you hear what I said to you earlier?”

“When earlier?”

“Before. On the couch.”

“I’m… not sure.”

“Did you want me to say it again?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

 

Heath felt the bed moving and then he heard Sugizo’s voice close to his ear. “I think I’m in love with you, too.”

“Please stop fucking with me.”

“I’m not.”

“Sugizo—”

“I’m not fucking with you.” Sugizo put an arm around him and rested his head on his shoulder, cradling Heath’s slender frame that seemed so small right now.

Heath hesitantly asked, “How did you figure it out?”

“Um… from J.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was talking to J about… stuff, and he said I was being stupid and jealous.”

“You really were jealous?”

“He said, _You’re scared that she’ll take your precious Heath away from you_.” Sugizo mimicked J’s deep voice.

 

Heath said nothing but his shoulders began to tremble again and Sugizo, worried, held him tighter before he realised that Heath was actually giggling, and he felt a weight lifting off his chest. “I’m going to turn on the light, okay?”

“Okay. Why?”

“Because I want to see you smile.” Sugizo reached for the little bedside lamp and his corner of the room was bathed in a soft, warm glow. Heath wore a little wry smile, not quite what Sugizo had hoped for but it was better than no smile at all. When Heath smiled, _really_ smiled, it was very sweet and you couldn’t help smiling yourself.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Sugizo blinked. “Like what?”

“Like a goofy teenager.”

“Really? Must be because I’m in love with you.” Sugizo’s gaze fell on Heath’s lips. “Can I kiss you again?”

Heath hesitated. “...Yes,” he said finally. “Only if it counts as our first real kiss.”

 

Their first real kiss was gentle and sweet and a little bit shy. Heath broke away first, his eyes cast down.

“That was really nice,” he said quietly, almost breathlessly.

“It was more than really nice,” said Sugizo, touching his forehead to Heath’s. “It felt… right.”

“But don’t you think it’s weird, falling in love with your best friend?”

“Isn’t that one of the best ways to fall in love? We already know what we like and don’t like. We don’t have to get to know each other from the beginning. I feel like all the hard work is done already.”

 

This time Heath kissed him, a deeper kiss that caught Sugizo a little off guard, but he welcomed it all the same. He reached up to gently brush a thumb across Heath’s cheek and Heath sighed happily. Sugizo pulled him into his arms, delighted with the way that Heath snuggled up to him. Everybody who took the time to get to know Heath knew that he was a sweetheart and a gentle soul, but it gave Sugizo a little thrill to know that Heath was willing to share this other, more special, more private side of himself that he wouldn’t show other people. Heath trusted him with this vulnerability and that was what made this so powerful and so important, and Sugizo loved him all the more for it.

 

“You know, you’re a really good kisser,” Sugizo said, touching a finger to his own lips. He smiled to himself when Heath blushed. Had he always been this adorable? “I feel like I’ve been missing out this whole time. I’ll have to do a lot of catching up.”

“I don’t remember the last time someone made me feel like this,” Heath murmured.

“Like what?”

“Excited. Happy. Little bit scared.”

“Why would you be scared?”

Heath listened to the steady beating of Sugizo’s heart for a while. “Maybe… it’s just that I don’t know what to expect. How it changes things.”

“But not a lot is going to change,” Sugizo said. “Nothing with the band changes. We’ll still do the same things... watch movies, go to concerts, go drinking, tease Yoshiki. There’ll just be more of this—” here Sugizo kissed him again, “—and you’ll know that I love you. Do you think that you would be okay with that?”

Heath looked up at him and smiled, and it was that pure, sweet smile that Sugizo had wanted to see. “Only if you know that I love you too.”

 

 


End file.
